How To Overcome Jealousy

Jealousy is a human emotion that we all instinctively experience at some point in our lives. Jealousy can refer to a strong desire for or envy of someone else’s success, stature or possessions.

Taken in a social context, it can refer to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality. Jealousy may cause someone to be doubtful of his or her partner and feel threatened by his or her interaction with certain people. It involves a fear of losing the other person.

There are different kinds of jealousy and educating yourself on them may help you and your partner develop a stronger relationship.

Healthy Jealousy

Jealousy doesn’t necessarily indicate negative connotations in all cases. After all, it is quite natural for men and women to be protective and possessive of the one they love. In a relationship, when feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate one another and make an effort to ensure the other person feels valued.

Having reservations about your significant other going to a strip club, the sight of him or her drooling over an attractive person of the opposite sex or witnessing him or her flirting with someone else are innocent examples of how jealousy can be a perfectly normal reaction.

Destructive Jealousy

Sometimes, jealous feelings can balloon out of proportion. It is a completely different story when jealousy becomes frequent, intense and irrational. Once you reach this stage, you begin to obsessively question your lover’s loyalty to you and it sends you into a blind rage. You may even try to restrict your partner’s interactions with other people and constantly monitor where he or she goes and what he or she does.

If you can’t control your jealousy, it is bound to be detrimental to your relationship. It eats away at the most important thing holding it together – trust. It can leave your loved one constantly feeling like they are walking on eggshells.

If you find yourself drifting into the realm of harmful and unhealthy jealousy, there are things you can do to prevent it from ruining your current and future relationships.

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JEALOUSY JUNKIE: Tip #1
Set Boundaries from the Start

Try establishing some general guidelines at the beginning of the relationship. Let your partner know what is and isn’t acceptable for you. Be careful not to use this piece of advice as a means to control your boyfriend or girlfriend, just let him or her know what makes you tick.

For example, how far is too far when it comes to flirting? Telling your partner what makes you uncomfortable can also help you trust him or her more since you are divulging sensitive feelings.
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JEALOUSY JUNKIE: Tip #2
Identify the Root of the Problem

What is causing this unfounded jealousy? You may behave this way because you have been cheated on in the past. This may cause you to be more possessive and controlling in a new relationship for fear of repetition, even if he or she has never given you a reason to be doubtful.

If this is the case, it is important to deal with these feelings and insecurities before you enter a new relationship. Harbouring unresolved feelings from past relationships is a sure sign that you aren’t ready for a new one.
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JEALOUSY JUNKIE: Tip #3
Give Yourself a Reality Check

Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening. How realistic is the threat? What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? Distinguish fact from fiction.

If you have no solid grounds for feeling jealous, your false accusations will cause a lot of unnecessary strain on the relationship. Don’t let your imagination draw a negative picture of your partner.
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JEALOUSY JUNKIE: Tip #4
Positive Self-Talk

Sometimes, you need to give yourself a pep talk. When you start feeling those twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you and is committed to you. Realize that he or she is with you for a reason. These self-affirmations can boost your confidence.
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JEALOUSY JUNKIE: Tip #5
Seek Reassurance

If you can’t talk yourself out of a jealous funk, perhaps communicating your feelings will help resolve your insecurities. One of the best ways to beat jealousy is to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don’t take an accusatory, nagging or bullying tone with him or her. Instead, share your feelings of doubt and ask them to help you overcome them.

By communicating your feelings, you can work out solutions together.
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JEALOUSY JUNKIE: Tip #6
Get an Objective Opinion

Ask a close friend to take note of your behaviour around your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes, you aren’t fully aware of your actions, especially when emotions like jealousy cloud your judgment. By getting a neutral party’s perspective, you can fully understand the extent of your actions.

A good friend will let you know if your behaviour is out of control or destructive.

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the green machine

In extreme cases of jealousy, these tips may not be able to quell feelings of anger and envy. These people may want to consider counselling in order to deal with their feelings.

For the most part, jealousy is a byproduct of your own issues with self-confidence and self-esteem. It is imperative to work on this and focus on yourself first, before you can build positive relationships with other people.

Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage?

The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by “living together.” If it means having sexual relations – it is definitely sinful. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to.

If "living together" means living in the same house, that is perhaps somewhat of a different issue. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong for a man and a woman to live in the same house – IF there is nothing immoral taking place. However, the problem arises in that there is still the appearance of immorality (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3) and it will be a tremendous temptation for immorality. The Bible tells us to flee immorality, not expose ourselves to constant temptations to immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). Then there is the problem of appearances. A couple that is living together is assumed to be sleeping together – that is just the nature of things. Even though living in the same house is not sinful in and of itself, the appearance of sin is being given. The Bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3), to flee from immorality, and not to cause anyone to stumble or be offended. As a result, it is not honoring to God for a couple to live together before marriage.

Steps To Dating

Heathy long term relationships do not develop properly when two people skip very important steps in relationship building, especially during the dating period. By doing these simple steps in order, you can prevent future realtionship breakdowns.

Of coarse, the chemistry between two people will have a signifigant impact on wether two people are made for each other. But these tips can give your relationship a fighting chance.

How a relationship should develop:

1. Eye to Body
This is when you see that special someone from a distance. Depending on what you see will determine if you move on to the next step.

2. Eye to Eye
When two people make eye to eye contact, our brains evaluate the potential for somebody to become a mate. The more it likes what it sees the chance increases that a person gaze longer at the other persons face.

3. Mouth to Ear
This is the point when two people begin a casual converstation. This is an important stage because you will evaluate the other person and find if you have anything in common with them. This is a good time to evaluate the chemistry between you and the other person.

If you liked what you seen in stage 2, but ignore stage 3, then the relationship as very little chance at success.

4. Hand in Hand
This is the very first step at bodily contact. Holding hands may seem old fashioned to some, but most females want this kind of affection. In this same catagory is Arm around Shoulder. Proceed with caution to see which one is right for you and your potential mate.

5. Mouth to cheek
To avoid the over-welming feeling of moving too fast. I advise that you move as slowely as possible. A simple kiss on the cheek can test how that other person feels about the idea. The best way to move into this area of a relationship is to be open and ask what the other person thinks about it.

6. Mouth to Mouth
This step is a pretty big step. Sometimes the timing is just right, but be careful not to do it too soon. If you missed a step or two, you may need to backtrack. If you don't do things in order you might freak out your date. Don't slobber all over your date. Well at least the first time around anyways.

7. Tongue to Tongue
This is not a neccasary step. You may want to ask if your companion is comfortable with this.

8. Hand to Body
This step usually happens when two people are caught up in the act of kissing. Be careful you may turn hot into cold if you make the other person uncomfortable. However it is possible to turn hot into hotter also.

I don't advise taking the relationship further unless two people have spent a lot of time together and have decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. The reason is to really make a relationship solid is to "only do these steps with the right person." If you do these steps with every casual person then you are likely to have your senses dulled and will not know the difference whent he right one comes along.

9. You know
I don't need to explan what this is!

Now the most important step of all:

Once you have found that special person and have married, repeat steps 1-9 at least once a day (when possible). This will keep your relationship as fresh as the first day you met. Don't skip any steps.

If a husband comes home from work, skips all the steps then wants step number nine. The result could be the wife feeling used and unappreciated. That is why it is important to repeat all the steps!